You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
