Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
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