you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
