Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
