Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
