this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
