dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
