I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
