I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
