Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
