are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
