I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
