erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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