Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
