Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
