If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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