What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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