38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
