I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
