I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
