it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
