I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
