best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
