also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
