my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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