yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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