And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
