i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize