Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
