Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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