The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
