bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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