life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
