I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
