if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
