I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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