Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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