Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
