If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
