I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
