the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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