You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
