I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
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