ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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