I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
