It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
