That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
