too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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