here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
