so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
only if we run a train.
done.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
