I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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