You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
