why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize