you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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