I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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