My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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