it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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