those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
