dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
