i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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