Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
