Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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