once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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