They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
