The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
