We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
