The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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