We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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