Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
