My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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